SuperCity: No shame for singles
BY CHRISTA WITTMIER / Special to the Star-Advertiser
“Remember how I was saying there are no guys? I met a guy.”
That was Kyra Sedgwick’s character, Linda Powell in 1992’s “Singles,” delivering hope to all of us — just way too soon in this particular film, as we see a few scenes later when the guy turns out to be a dud.
I wonder how many people reading this blog are single. I wonder how many have trouble dating.
It’s hard to talk about stuff like this in the open because it’s kind of embarrassing, right? You aren’t good enough to find your mate. You aren’t pretty enough to get the attention of a partner. The dating pool is extremely limited. There are no guys. The girls are all crazy.
It’s not the same to hear how great of a catch you are from family or friends. They aren’t the people running in the opposite direction when you make your best effort to put yourself out there.
The person who cracks the code on love and dating will have pretty much solved humanity, so I’m not really waiting around for that to happen. I’m already pretty cognizant of my own shortcomings: I come on too strong, I’m a six in a city of 10s, I’m too busy to make time for a partner, I know too many people (which I’ve heard from my male friends is not a good thing for a potential girlfriend), I have too many platonic husbands, etc.
I know all this. That’s me. There’s got to be a way to be me and still mate. Enter Tinder.
On a recent trip to Portland, I heard about this smartphone app that’s taking the mainland by storm and was both horrified and extremely curious. It was described to me as “Grindr for straight people.”
Grindr, as most people know, is a no-holds-barred hook-up app that is location-based. You open the app, see who is around you, send flirty messages and pictures, then meet for sex. It’s so cut-and-dry I often found myself whining to my Grindr-using friends that straight people needed to have something too.
Turns out we do, and we may — or may not — understand the power now in our hands.
The app? It’s too easy. Just when I was thinking there are no guys who find me attractive and I might as well move to another city if I’m trying to find love or start a family — that all washed away after “liking” a few people who were actually my age and interested in me, too. It immediately unlocks a dialog ability (that looks like you’re texting so you can communicate on the go without being embarrassed) and bam, there’s your potential mate. Or date. Or… well, you get it.
Now I am looking at a list of guys who could all potentially be a match. Waiting to start the dialog. Waiting to meet up with me. Now the ball is back in my court.
Instead of grousing about how love and dating and human interaction as a whole has changed for the worse in this decade, I am totally fine with evolving along with it and trying this method out. Lord knows I’ve scared off tons of potential mates trying the old-fashioned way.
After years of being single and way too much feedback on the topic (“There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s this city,” “You really need to go to another city to find love and just bring them back”), I’m taking a stand. I now have a phone full of interested men.
The only problem is, now I’m hesitant to take the next step. Being single, like smoking, isn’t so easy to quit. You have to want to quit.
Hey, at least we know now there are options!
Christa Wittmier has chronicled Honolulu nightlife since 2004. She is senior marketing director at Young’s Market Co. of Hawaii and executive director of music for POW! WOW! Hawaii, and also helps promote the popular “Bacardi Pool Party” on Oahu. Contact her via e-mail or follow her on Twitter.