Heels & Picks: Why Kanye should be president
BY ERIN SMITH / Special to the Star-Advertiser
Aaah, Kanye West. Love him or hate him, you’ve got to admit the man is entertaining.
Here at our cottage we have a back and forth about this – whether or not Kanye should in fact sit the hell down. My boyfriend T can’t stomach the guy, and while I understand the level of douchebaggery that can sometimes accompany the man like a 5 o’clock shadow, I think he livens up otherwise tedious public occasions with his arrogantly bananas antics.
Case in point, this year’s MTV Video Music Awards. Held on Sunday night at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles, the annual event once again paid tribute to music videos that the channel largely does not air in favor of the newest reality show craze.
There is fighting and drama, costumes galore, girl-shiz and of course, there is Kanye West. His infamous tirade during the 2009 VMA’s is a cultural moment that keeps playing out, and as West took to the stage on Sunday night, there was a nod to that moment, in that Taylor Swift presented him with his Vanguard Award.
Yes, yes, we get the joke and LOL and all that stuff.
But the best moment was yet to come.
Upon accepting his award, the Balmain-clad West launched into a scattered, heart-felt, true to form Kanye speech. In it he rambles about truths and artistry, about just saying what you feel as an artist and oddly, about Justin Timberlake crying. But the real pinnacle was at the end of the speech, when he announced that he would run for President in 2020. Seriously, you can’t write better stuff than that. Amazing.
I’m all for it. Without further ado, I give you the Top Five Reasons Kanye Should Be President.
TOP FIVE REASONS KANYE SHOULD BE PRESIDENT:
1. National Wardrobe Change: If Kanye West was to become president, I can only assume that the expectation will be a massive upscale in popular, casual wardrobe. No longer shall citizens be able to grab hoodie at Target and go – not on Kanye’s watch. People will be expected to dress in head to toe Balmain, which, seeing as the luxury designer’s garb runs in the thousands of dollars per piece range, only means that the minimum wage will have to go up. WAY up.
Your average worker will need to make $300 per hour to afford the lovely, strappy dress and trench coat while they check meters or serve coffee. What a sassy nation.
2. Grand Scale Interruption Becomes Socially Acceptable: Ima let you finish, but I’m done with this conversation. Never again will we be expected to just sit through something and keep our pie-holes shut. Just let the person who is speaking know that you plan to let them finish, say your piece, drop the mic and leave. Now that’s a national communication strategy that will really work.
3. The First Hair Do: Kanye’s shaved head HANDS DOWN beats whatever the hell is going on on Donald Trump’s head. End of point.
4. Big Butts: These days, and thank Gaga it’s finally shifting this way, we are allowed to publicly enjoy the fact that women have butts and boobs!! Hooray!! No need to whittle them completely off anymore. Kanye’s ubiquitous curvier-half, Kim Kardashian, has a booty that is as famous as her family name. As First Lady, I can almost see the campaign, pet-project slogan she will have, as she leads the charge for the potential growth of booties nation-wide. I predict her “Back That Up” campaign to be as popular, if not more so, than current First Lady Michelle Obama’s crusading for physical activity and vegetables. One nation, united under thong.
5. The Regulation Against Boring Baby Names: Thinking of naming your new child John? Well forget about it. With West in the White House, normal names will go out the window in favor of whimsical, bizarre, perhaps too literal monikers. We will be privy to a whole new generation of kids, whose teachers will have to call out names like “Toaster Jones” and “Stiletto Smith” during attendance. At least that will get us past the five Jennifers and seven Bellas problem.
Erin Smith is a singer and guitarist who performs as a solo artist and with Maui-based Na Hoku Hanohano Award-nominated band The Throwdowns. Born in Canada, she moved to Hawaii in 2004 and now resides in Kailua. Contact her via e-mail or follow her on Twitter.